Cindy_Fitzgibbon's Blog

When it comes to sharing.
I have a daughter 5 and a son who'll be 3 in Aug. When they don't want to share something it gets put away. I tell them if you can't share it neither can play with it. It's been working pretty good, sometimes I just have to say it's going in the closet and they chill out and share.

There is a wonderful video floating around Youtube. A father is in a supermarket with his toddler. The child demands something and the father refuses. The child starts screaming and crying leaving the father standing there embarrassed. People are looking on in disgust. As the video fades to black the caption simply say's, USE CONDOMS......

I can't remember how many times in a grocery store I said "if you don't stop we're leaving".
I also can't remember how many times we left. Between my three kids I must have abandoned at least ten grocery carts, apologizing on my way out the door to the poor people who were going to be stuck putting everything back on the shelves. With one of my kids I think the store manager jumped up and down when he saw me come in alone knowing he wasn't going to have to hear me say "no" a million times. Thank God toddlers don't stay toddlers forever. Gotta love 'em though. My favorite age for any kid is between two and five.

HI June: Yes, I am glad you added that. The aunts and uncles often receive it worse. The kids do not test the waters as often with them and don't know when to stop.

I have 3 kids , no 14, 12 and 10.....I remember those days oh so well....one other thing I remember is my sister ( who did not have kids at the time) telling me her kids will be soldiers and that I had no B.C.
( Brood Control).
Well guess what she now has two they are 6 and 5... they are great kids, but they give her a run for her money. I feel bad when they throw a tantrum , but on the same note I grin a bit inside !!

While my wife and I don't have children YET... I will say that when they are ages 0-5, while trying at times with tantrums and meltdowns, that is when they are at their most adorable. I hear parents of teenagers or young adults say all the time, they cherish the moments when they could actually pick up and hold their children close.

Cindy, got a question for you to ask the author next week: What do you do about a 4-year old who hits people? Someone we know has a boy who is generally good-natured, but when he is scolded for something he does bad, he goes up to his parents and hits them. Something he learned from the playground or tv, perhaps, but certainly not a good thing especially in 2 months when he attends kindergarten. The parents have tried everything they know, but the stricter they are with him, the angrier and tougher he becomes.

Cindly, I actually have a 7 year old boy recently diagnosed with ADHD this past January. We struggle daily with his issues and have been in "that place" too many times to mention or care to remember.

If there is one thing I have learned, and believe me it is not always easy to do, is you CANNOT "reason" with a child in the throws of tantrum, stay as calm as you can possibly be and try to remove your child as quickly as you can from the situation. Of course I believe it is necessary to talk about the tantrum when all is calm.

I have even had to remove my son from playdate situations graciously apologizing and carrying my child out kicking and screaming. Tell you what, those situations became fewer and fewer.

As the father of six ranging from 28 down to 12, (it's the only exercise I enjoyed!) I have to tell you that I don't even hear when kids cry or pout anymore. The one thing I will tell you is that when you tell a child you will take something away if their behavior continues, and then don't do it, you reap what you sow. Many years ago when my oldest daughter was about 13 she thought she'd exert her "teen-ness" by verbally assualting my wife to the point of tears. When I came home I explained to her that this is never to happen again and that her new "boom box" was going to be taken away for a period of time. I also told her that if when she got it back that if she repeated those actions, I would take the boombox away, break it and make her throw the pieces away. She agreed. A short time later, after the boombox was returned, I came home to once again find my wife in tears as a result of a repeat performance. I calmly walked upstairs into my daughters room, asked her if she remembered what I had promised to do if she made her mother cry and then calmly raised the boombox over my head and proceeded to break it on her hardwood floor. No anger, no yelling, just keeping a promise. On the bright side I have to tell you that my oldest is now married, gainfully employed and the parent of two. To this day when any of my two youngest or my grandchildren get out of line, when I suggest sanctions, I ask them to ask their older sister/mother whether or not I'll carry through. The beauty of it is that I haven't ever been tested. Make sanctions reasonable and then follow through with them.

Thanks for all your comments and questions! I put as many of them on as I could this morning with Co-Author Michelle Nicholasen. She has offered to respond to you personally so go ahead and check out her blog and ask away!

Dear jonsmom,

Sounds like you really followed through on your policy of leaving the store if your child REALLY got out of hand. And did it many times! That's a great example of consistency. You're right, they don't stay small forever!

Michelle Nicholasen