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by Kevin_C

Last Post 171 days, 23 hours Ago


Evil Empire?
Jan 29, 2008 | 10:38 PM
Category: Sports
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One of the phrases I've been hearing out here a lot lately has been "Evil Empire" in relation to the Patriots, and "Darth Vader" in reference to Bill Belichick.

As an unrepentant "Star Wars" nerd, this got me thinking.

Let's say Belichick is Vader.  I suppose that would make Bob Kraft the Galactic Emperor (and I do enjoy the image of Kraft leaning forward, cackling evilly, and saying "I'm afraid Tom Brady will be quite operational when your friends arrive" to his enemies), Bill Parcells would be Obi-Wan Kenobi and the players would be stormtroopers, because they wear helmets.  One of the players, if he is a cool maverick who plays by his own rules, could possibly be Boba Fett.

However, while it may make superficial sense, this analogy does NOT HOLD UP.

Consider:

Stormtroopers have terrible aim.  In the course of three movies (for the purposes of this blog I'm only using the original, classic "Star Wars" trilogy) the stormtroopers manage to shoot exactly one Ewok and Luke's Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, who were both really, really old.  That scene in "Star Wars" where Luke and Leia swing across the Death Star? There are like 403 stormtroopers shooting laser guns at the two of them, and there is nary a graze on either of them.  Leia even gets to give Luke a creepy* kiss on the cheek "for luck" before they swing across!  Stevie Wonder, Helen Keller and Ray Charles would have had a better chance of hitting those two!  Tom Brady has fantastic aim.  He manages to hit receivers all the time.

If Brady did throw an interception, Darth Belichick would have immediately choked him using the power of the Dark Side of the Force.  Then he would have choked whichever player from the opposing team caught the interception.  Also, every member of the media?  Force chokes for all of them!

Darth Vader had a mechanical apparatus he used to breathe with, which was attached to his chest.  There is no way such a device would fit on a grey sweatshirt.

And, most importantly, the Galactic Empire loses at the end of "Return of the Jedi" - we know that's not going to happen.

May the force be with you,

Kevin

* creepy in light of certain revelations later in the films regarding their relationship as brother and sister.
9 Comments |  Add a Comment

Member Comments Total Comments: 9
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JoshS read my blog view my photos
Jan 30, 2008 | 10:31 AM

I'd rather think of Bob Kraft as President Skroob...
FisherCat read my blog view my photos
Jan 30, 2008 | 10:45 AM

The Asterisk ? Should the YANGEE'S becuase of STEROIDS? they cheated!!

Yes if i hear another Giant or New York fan bring up Asterisk next to the Patriots record.....with their SUPERBOWL wins an this year...Then with their Logic alot of the Yankees championships an world series records should have ASTERISK'S next to their records an facts with many of the Players on STEROIDS!!!!!!!!! They CHEATED!!! an it was a performance enhancing drugs being used during PLAY OFFS AN WORLD SERIES AN THROUGH THE YEAR'S..........an never mind personnel records of players in the HALL OF FAME....an shouldn't they drag Joe Torre in front of Congress? WHAT DID HE KNOW?
Kevin_C read my blog view my photos
Jan 30, 2008 | 1:54 PM

Josh - does that make Bill Belichick Dark Helmet?

FisherCat - I only used an asterisk to add a footnote to the blog posting. Still, I should have realized what a loaded character that is when discussing the NE Patriots.
Ghostrider318
Jan 30, 2008 | 4:36 PM

Actually, your comment that the Empire lost in the end merely proves our point. The Patriots WILL fall, as did the Empire.

Oh, and your comment about the Empire's aim would make perfect sense except for one thing: as a whole (including the Death Star), they winged Princess Leia, and there was that whole BLOWING UP HER WHOLE FREAKIN' PLANET THING!
Kevin_C read my blog view my photos
Jan 30, 2008 | 4:45 PM

So your argument, basically, is that the Empire had good aim because an entire legion of the Emperor's best troops managed to "wing" Princess Leia? As for the Death Star destroying Leia's planet - Alderaan was a pretty big and easy target to hit. I wouldn't be bragging about being able to take hit it. And besides, they were peaceful and had no weapons.
Cthirteen
Jan 31, 2008 | 4:19 AM

All you need to do is watch the opening of A New Hope again. That's when the stormtroopers were unleashed in all their killing glory. For the rest of the film, their job was to ensure that the rebels got back to their ship with the Princess and then led them to their hidden base. If they killed them, which they were more than capable of, they would have done so in the detention block. This is apparent when you consider these two quotes.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Are you sure the homing beacon is secure aboard their ship? I'm taking an awful risk Vader, this had better work.

and

LEIA: That doesn't sound too hard. Besides, they let us go. It's the only explanation for the ease of our escape.

HAN: Easy...you call that easy?

LEIA: They're tracking us!

So there you go. They had to miss. Otherwise it's the dreaded force choke. Now, as for the Endor debacle in Return of the Jedi...

Overconfidence.
Bwilly view my photos
Jan 31, 2008 | 4:21 AM

Yeah peaceful and no weapons so blowing up Alderaan is like the Patriots running up the score on everyone this year. Like the Empire they didn't have to do it they just did because they're jackasses...lol
Goyankees27
Feb 4, 2008 | 11:33 AM

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! I guess Return of the Jedi does ring true here!The Patriots are the empire!

"And, most importantly, the Galactic Empire loses at the end of "Return of the Jedi" - we know that's not going to happen."

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahaha!!!

May the force be with you !!
Ghostrider318
Feb 13, 2008 | 11:21 AM

Far be it from me to say I told you so, but......

GIANTS RULE!!!
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Kevin_C

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Member Since: 3/17/2007


 

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