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by Mark_Ockerbloom from Dedham

Last Post 1 day, 2 hours Ago


In a recent poll, 98 percent of teens said they lie to their parents. Surprised? I'm not, except that maybe it's not 100 percent. Let's be honest, there are just some things a teenager shares with his or her parents and some things they don't. And it's not just teens, we all do it...from little kids to grown ups. Big lies, little lies, white lies.

Tonight, on the FOX25 News at Ten, I take a closer look at why people lie and ways to combat chronic lying which could be hiding a bigger problem. Our expert, Suzin Bartley says the same study on lying shows most kids are copying their parents! For example, parents might tell a "little white lie" not to hurt their kids feelings. Other times a parent might use a lie to teach their kids a lesson like when a telemarketer calls and the parent says no, he can't come to the phone. Bartley says your job is to then turn around and say why it was you didn't want to talk to that person.

In the end, honesty may indeed be the best policy...but I believe there are times when a little white lie is OK. How about you?
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SCOTTA read my blog
May 13, 2008 | 10:23 PM

It is always important to be truthful about important things. On small things, however, when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings unnecessarily, then TACT is important.
There are ways of saying things to people that are honest, but also done in a way that is respectful or tactful.

Xantun read my blog view my photos
May 13, 2008 | 10:53 PM

Ock, honesty is the thing to strive for. HOWEVER, there are times when a little white lie is necessary in order to keep the peace. For instance (I'm sure you guys out there already know this one!), if your wife/girlfriend asks you if something makes her look fat, it's not wise to say "Yes, honey, it does", even if that IS honest. Or, if an older relative gives you a hideous looking sweater for a holiday, it's not a good idea to let them know you hate it.

Claiming to invent the internet, however, is one that's too big to be good. And chances are, will cost you a Presidential election. (Are you listening, Al Gore?)

Chip read my blog view my photos
May 14, 2008 | 6:07 AM

Honesty is not a genetic trait. Children learning to be honest is one of the lessons they learn in good families taught by good parents. It begins with honesty modelled by parents, and is fostered by parents rewarding children when they tell the truth in the most difficult situations.

It is about the simplest and most profound lessons taught by parents to their children. It is our solemn obligation.

fenwaydav read my blog view my photos
May 14, 2008 | 8:37 AM

Ock, that was a good piece last night and it made me look at my own up-bringing. My parents (my mother in particular) hated liars. Even today when I sneak a lie in I can hear Mother saying "A LIAR AND A THEFT ARE THE SAME THING".

LinLin
May 14, 2008 | 8:43 AM

When you lie once then you have to lie again to justify the last lie and that becomes a snow ball...
While parents "have to say" a white lie for ex. to marketing people on the phone, they have to think what they say to that person when kids are present. We all get phone calls like that all the time and we should be pros by now on what is best to say especially when kids are listening.
Children always copy their parents first, then friends, teachers etc. We should be good examples and teach honesty for life.
Although you follow that rule kids are always tempted to tell a lie. Lies come out eventually and when they do the attitude is important: how the parent explains what's right to do. Using the right words is crucial! But my question is how can you stop continuous lying even if you say it's not a good thing, especially teens 16-18 yrs old lying straight to your face...
Does Suzin Bartley have an answer to this kind of situation?

legendkiller34 read my blog
May 14, 2008 | 8:57 AM

Mark,
So what would it be called when
G. Bush jumped on the Navy Ship and said
"IT'S OVER WE HAVE WON"
Would that be a WHITE LIE, OR JUST A PLAIN BOLD FACE LIE?

fenwaydav read my blog view my photos
May 14, 2008 | 9:24 AM

LK34, And Weapons of Mass Destruction? But this is a whole other blog for anther day.....

C_Fox read my blog view my photos
May 14, 2008 | 12:56 PM

Lieing is done for different reasons; fear of consequences, to get attention, or a pathological disfunction, protection of another's feelings, etc..

But whatever the case may be, it is always done in the interest of oneself or another. What has to be learned is whether it is justified or not. In most cases, it isn't, but people make the mistake of convincing themselves that it is and that's what gets them into trouble; they just don't know when "honesty is the best policy".

I believe being as honest as possible will save you a lot of grief in the long run and I've tried to instill that belief into my children. But, it is also important to be honest with a sense of tactfullness in many instances. For instance if a friend asked me if I liked their new outfit, when I didn't, I would not say, "No, it looks like hell on you!", but might say, "I don't think it does you justice." A little kinder way of saying "no". Teaching our children that it is easier to tell the truth than to lie is the way to go; you never have to carry around a bag of guilt when you tell the truth. The one instance I would lie is if it were to protect innocent lives.

C_Fox read my blog view my photos
May 14, 2008 | 1:01 PM

In response to legendkiller's remark about Bush:

What is it called? Its called the truth! When we 'dethroned' Saddam and his government successfully, we DID accomplish our mission, so there was no lie when he said that.

What ensued cannot be factored into it; we became engaged in another whole "war".

I suggest you use your own logic, legendkiller34, rather than parroting what leftists like to spew to support their Bush-hating agenda.

Valintyne read my blog view my photos
May 14, 2008 | 1:21 PM

I think that your expert is exactly right. My parents taught me endlessly about honesty, but I always noticed when they told "little white lies", such as pleading some excuse to get out of a social engagement or calling in sick to work when they weren't. I picked up those habits. It's exactly like cursing - you can tell your kids not to curse day in and day out, but as soon as you let a foul word drop, that's the one they pick up. Parents have to be consistent, and we have to apologize to our kids when we're caught making mistakes.

Of course, chronic lying can be a sign of any number of problems, all of which have deeper roots than dishonesty. The root problems should be dealt with first.

C_Fox read my blog view my photos
May 14, 2008 | 3:11 PM

People get so use to lieing, that they feel the need to make up some story to get out of a social engagement.

We do have "white lies" and they are generally acceptable in our society. They serve to protect the feelings of someone other than ourselves.

When being invited to a social engagement, we have no obligation to give a reason. But, this is where the 'white lie' comes in handy. Rather than saying, "No, I don't want to go to your party...I hate your parties!", we end up saying things like, "I'm sorry, I can't make it on that date." It may be a lie, but doesn't insult the party-giver. And, you don't need to make up some fanciful story which may come back to bite you if you do.

So there are different degrees of lieing; some help in a situation, and some don't. Its how often and to what degree a person lies that determines part of your character.

Anyone claiming they've never told an "untruth" is basically....Lieing! LOL

sirB read my blog
May 14, 2008 | 3:12 PM

Children are lied to from day 1.

Santa Claus - lie

Tooth Fairy - lie

Easter Bunny - lie

Sandman - lie

etc.

Fibbing is human nature. It's just how you use it. People aren't stupid so be careful about what you lie about, chances are we know you're full of it.

amomholdsmany read my blog
May 15, 2008 | 6:47 PM

I think we're being too hard on the kids and not taking that honest look at ourselves. While my kids are far from perfect (me, too) - one thing I never have to worry about is that one or another of my children will ever lie to me. Of this I am certain. Twenty-one years as a mom, I've ALWAYS told my children the truth. ALWAYS -- even when it wasn't pleasant -- or if the subject was too mature, I'd shape the truth to be age-appropriate and help them to understand that things are not always pretty or the way we want them, that there are times when Life's unpleasant/goes awry and, on those occasions, I'd SHOW them how I handle a problem -- NEVER lying, not once. In return, if may take a day or two, but my kids always come to me with whatever it is (they're in trouble/a friend is in trouble) because they have NO FEAR of recriminations. I NEVER punish my kids. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for trusting me with whatever it is that's bothering them -- and then I show them how I'd correct the problem. It's my job to teach them to be good and moral people. It's not my job to punish them for getting into mischief, rather to help them learn to prevent and correct problems, forthrightly, so that the problem doesn't come back to "haunt" them later. While we've made our share of mistakes, my heart is always content knowing that my kids trust me completely -- and I can trust them completely in return -- every time.

shanniesdad
May 15, 2008 | 9:07 PM

I try to always tell my kids the truth; how else are they going to be able to trust me. If I call in sick to work, I'll tell the kids it is a 'mental health' day, and be careful how I word the call. If we want our kids to be honest with us, we need to show them the right path, warts and all. You and Maria are in the truth business, you are held to a higher standard.

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Mark_Ockerbloom

I anchor the Fox 25 News at 5, 10 & 11pm and want to hear from you. Feel free to drop me a line anytime.

Member Since: 10/17/2006