Nick_Dussault's Blog

It’s Dolly Parton night and you know what that means. America will be kicking itself for voting Amanda Overmyer off the show. How great would it be to watch her working on “I Will Always Love You” with Dolly Parton? You blew it America. And you’d better start thinking before you vote…even after David is crowned the next American Idol.

How about the April Fool’s joke Seacrest pulled at the beginning of the show? What a hoot. For a minute I really did think the show was cancelled and Simon Cowell was instead going to do a very special “Moment of Truth.”

Does Seacrest even read his copy before he reads it on national television? Doubt it.

From the top two questions plagued me tonight. Since the hog-riding nurse is busy on the talk circuit, who will indeed sing “I Will Always Love You”? And who’s going to make me say “there are 3,000 Dolly Parton songs and you picked this”? Had I thought about it even for a nano-second, the answer to the first question would be obvious. But I never thought the answer to the second would be everyone but Carly Smithson.

Song choice can make or break you at this point, kiddies. And no matter what your creative little brains tell you, (or in one case your overbearing stage parents), most people like to hear songs they already know.

Though Brooke White’s “Jolene” might change that forever. The song’s been done a million times, a million ways and though Brooke’s one of my favorites, this bored me to tears. Simon said it was “lacking any emotion” and of course Brooke thanked him profusely. But not before she complimented Helmet Head Abdul on her latest cut & color. I was more interested in that purple flower snugly nestled in her cleavage. What’s that hiding?

And what made David Cook choose a song about sparrows? He’s finally showing us that he can do his own arrangements and look at the song he picks. Randy called it “another hot, consistent performance.” Paula liked his new haircut. Maybe they went together…Hmmm. Who cares what Simon thought? This, too, was boring, though a bit better than Brooke.

Apparently the song Ramiele Mulabay chose is called “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?” making me say yet again “3,000 Dolly Parton songs and you chose this?” Simon called it “cruise-shippy” a word he coined for moments like this. It sucked. She sucked. And she was dressed in some school-girl jumper that looks like it’s an off-the-racker from Talbots for teens. Come on, Ramiele, call your bff Danny Noriega and let him take you to the sexy girl stores. Your sense of style is about on par with your ability to make the right song choice. And yet, somehow, they keep voting for you.

I’ve decided I would no longer buy Amway products from Jason Castro. His charming demeanor turns out to be more of a dim-witted persona than likeability. Now when I look at him all I can see is John Travolta in that Scientology movie. I’m afraid he’s gonna start singing songs that are loaded with subliminal messages about joining the ranks of the Thetans. I think I even heard “you too can become an OT-3” as he listlessly performed “Travelin’ Thru” from “Transamerica.”  Sorry Jason, if I can’t be an OT-6 like Tom Cruise, I don’t want to be a Scientologist. Come to think of it, I don’t want to be like Tom Cruise either so I guess I’ll just keep watching Idol.

Next up, singing my favorite Dolly Parton song is the Irish girl. Nice job on “Here You Come Again,” Carly Smithson but Simon is right about your wardrobe choices. Kelly Clarkson figured out a way to hide her bodacious butt by this point in the competition. You should call her. And while you’re at it, tell them to stop showing your husband’s tattooed face all over the television. It just bothers me. And now for the good news, you rocked tonight. Randy said “it will probably be one of the better performances of the night.” He was almost right. It was the best. Multiple votes for you, many thanks for such a great song choice and also for making it your own. (I should be a judge. I’m available, hint, hint.)

Though I would probably get booed every time David Archuletta took the stage. How could he go from my favorite to overly-stage mothered cupie-doll in such a short period of time? I know Dolly loved him, blah, blah, blah. And the judges thought he was great, blah, blah, blah. But he just makes me squirm. And why does he have that unsightly earpiece? You know it’s a direct connection to the father who’s threatening to beat him if he screws up their one big chance at hitting the big time. Or maybe it’s his rarely seen mother feeding him the lyrics so they don’t repeat the Beatles night part deux debacle. They’re thisclose to becoming the next Jackson family…no pressure, David.

No pressure on Kristy Lee Cook either. She’s made the tour so she’ll certainly earn enough cash to buy her horse back. And she’s a hot girl, so she’ll just keep getting votes until it comes down to hot girl or talented singer at which point she’ll go riding off into the sunset with a boatload of cash. And in her future there’s gonna be a rich man, an independently-recorded CD nobody will buy and a fancy house in Southern California where the domestics will raise her kids while she does Pilates.

Why was Vanna White in the house?

Syesha Mercado will not fare quite as well as Kristy Lee. She’s probably going home after her strange Dolly-Whitney hybrid version of “I Will Always Love You.” It was fine, but if she wasn’t hoisted up on the Steinway, everything about this performance would’ve already been forgotten. It’s season seven, honey, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to do anything by Whitney or Celine?

And finally the end is in sight as we hear Dolly saying “I think I could probably write some good songs for (Michael Johns).” I don’t get what people like about him. In fact, I don’t even know what song he sang. Isn’t anybody gonna sing “Nine to Five”? “Islands in the Stream”? You call this Dolly Parton night? April Fool’s on me, I guess.

Bottom three:

            Brooke White

            Jason Castro

            Syesha Mercado

 

I’m guessing Syesha’s name will be on the guest list at Dollywood this week. And if I’m right, Jason Castro should thank his Thetans because his number is almost up.