Nick_Dussault's Blog

I thought Neil Young was a terrible choice for a mentor. Sure David Cook will kill vintage Neil Young, but the rest of them - ugh. Then I heard it was NEIL DIAMOND – Cracklin’ Rosie get on board - who chooses these people? This had the potential to be the worst mentor week ever. And it did not disappoint.

Dude where’s my Castro was first up with a multi-range rendition of “Forever in Blue Jeans” that’d make even the most fashion forward among us switch to polyester. Does he even know this is a competition? The judges thought he was “better than last week,” but if you listen carefully, the bong-hit wonder can’t even really sing.

David Cook, on the other hand, can sing anything and proved it when he gave Neil Diamond goose bumps. It’s not quite the “you are ear delicious” Neil Sedaka-Clay Aiken moment of season two, but it was hot. Okay weird maybe, hot no. But “I’m Alive” was pretty decent given the circumstances. I’m voting for Cook.

When Brooke White straps on the guitar and starts to strum, am I the only person who thinks she looks like Phoebe from “Friends”? And when she started singing “I’m A Believer” she sounded a lot like Lisa Kudrow’s atonal alter-ego as well. But she’s so nice I almost feel guilty saying this stuff. Almost.

I knew one of them would sing “Sweet Caroline” but I never dreamed Daddy Archuletta would choose it for little Davey. Thank you God and thank you Daddy A. Neil Diamond once said he hated the way Red Sox fans sing this at Fenway Park. Wonder what he thinks now? Hey if the Sox repeat do you think little Davey could sing this during the World Series? Go Sox!

And go Syesha Mercado. She did it again. I really liked her “Hello Again.” Andrew Lloyd Weber was the best thing that ever happened to Syesha. He told her to perform and that girl can certainly deliver. Broadway’s calling, honey.

But first the judges have to recap round one. Randy does the dawg drill. Whatever. Then Paula slurs her way through some comments about the Castro debacle and stammers right into her critique of his second song. Did anyone tell her he hadn’t sung the second song yet? Everyone knows there’s a dress rehearsal (well they do now anyway). And anyone who thinks this isn’t a big scale production rather than the simple talent show it professes to be probably believes little Davey wants this more than his daddy does. So the real fun here was watching the long-ago Laker Girl trying to squirm her way out of this one. Now this kind of reality television makes me want to “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow.” Hey, nobody else has plugged it in awhile.

Anyway. After that little misstep, it was all pretty much downhill. Dude where’s my attempted “September Morn” proving once and for all he has no interest in winning this thing and he’s not much of a singer.

David Cook sang “All I Really Need is You.” Paula said she felt like she was looking at the next American Idol. Then again she was judging songs that had yet to be sung less than 20 minutes ago so who knows what she was looking at. But Cowell called it “brilliant” and I agree.

Oh no, Phoebe Bufay’s playing the piano now. And if I had to pick a favorite Neil Diamond song (shut up) it would be “I Am, I Said.” And if I had to be honest with you, she did a very good job on it. Excellent, really. We might just have her to kick around next week after all.

Ditto David Archuletta. There’s no way this kid can do any wrong in the eyes of the judges. I was wondering who would sing “America,” Michael Dukakis’ presidential campaign theme song in ’88 in case you needed a contemporary reference. Of course daddy would choose this, it’s the second hokiest song in Neil Diamond’s repertoire. Who better to get all Americana on us than little Davey? If only they had put him in one of those little sailor shorts sets that were all the rage on boys his (size, not age) a generation or two ago. Or maybe they could’ve had Mark Harris (Martha Raye’s widower) standing behind him waving old glory as David sang. And Liza Minelli in a sparkling flag dress egging him on while sipping from the magical Coca Cola cup. This is show biz folks, if you’re gonna go for the glitzy cheese, do it right.

As Syesha wrapped up a stellar rendition of “Thank the Lord for the Nighttime,” all I could think of was thanking the Lord because it was almost over. Simon called this the “craziest show ever.” He was right. Fortunately it came to an end and then America voted. Oooh.

Tonight the bottom two will be Dude where’s my Castro and Brooke White. And to turn a phrase from a song about as current as anything Neil Diamond has ever done, I think young Jason is “one toke over the line.” Dude, where’s your bus ticket? Seriously.