Nick_Dussault's Blog

David Cook should watch his back. Daddy Archuletta may just think Idol is like Miss America where the first runner up gets the crown if for some reason the winner can’t complete her reign. Dream-stealing David might just be the next “why me” victim of a band of Jeff Gillooly-like thugs. And we thought it was over…

What a pleasant surprise when Seacrest announced the winner was David Cook. Little Davey is better off. Hopefully when he graduates from high school he’ll realize he doesn’t have to live under the iron fist of Daddy. Maybe he can finally take his boy band wanna-be butt out of the house and live on his own like most kids his age aspire to do. Let’s hope he keeps in touch with Daddy Lloyd Weber. He has major marquee value for about the next four years. He can establish himself on Broadway, bankroll a hefty sum and sing his little heart out. But I digress.

There were some really high highs last night but the lows were so low that I’ve already heard plenty of people say they’re not going to watch next season.

I loved the David Cook – Z.Z. Top number though I must admit the beards on the antique rockers probably caused a lot of nightmares. I was also impressed with Brooke White and Graham Nash teaming up for “Teach Your Children Well.” It was indeed a very sweet moment (and probably the only way either one of them would get such a sweet prime-time spot). Ditto Carly Smithson and Michael Johns’ great musical moment.

And then there was the rest of the show…

The genius behind Guru Pitka should be forced to spend the summer at Casa Archuletta listening to Daddy whine about what could’ve been. If that wasn’t the dumbest moment in the history of television it’s only because the Pips audition with Gladys Knight, Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. earns that honor hands down. Are they trying to get R.D. Jr. to relapse? He’s a serious actor, with real talent. No. Make it stop. Who thinks this stuff is funny? Maybe Jimmy Kimmel does, which would explain why he was there to deliver yet another, humor-challenged, Silverman-esque monologue.

After watching Amanda Overmyer sing Donna Summer I can sort of appreciate that the disco diva was there. The Harley-riding rocker chick was awesome as she belted out some “Hot Stuff.” And then came Donna. Now I’m not the kindest person in the world, but even I would’ve suggested that since she can’t walk down the stairs unassisted, perhaps a different entrance would make her seem less, uh, ancient. Sure she can still sing but last night it felt like the cake’s not the only thing that’s been left out in the rain. (See “MacArthur Park” if you don’t get it.)

After nearly two hours of the roller coaster ride that included visions of Dime-A-Dance David Hernandez, a dreadful appearance by Jordin Sparks (who?) and a smokin’ hot Carrie Underwood proving why she’s the best Idol alum of all time, we got to witness the creepiness that is anything related to George Michael.

When the medley began I knew it would go down hill, I just never imagined how far, how fast. I doubt I’m the only one who was repulsed, revolted and transfixed all at the same time as Little Davey, Jason Castro, Dime-A-Dance, Michael Johns, Chikeze and David Cook sang “Father Figure.” Midway through the song I desperately needed a shower but I was afraid the train wreck would get even worse and I’d miss something.

I was right. L.A.’s most famous men’s room accessory was in the house promoting his first world tour in 17 years. As he descended the staircase (at least he was sober enough to do it alone), all I could think was where oh where is Jeff Gillooly when you really need him?

Shame on you American Idol for your blatant pimping (wink, wink). Honestly, I loved every minute of it. I might even try to score tickets for the Wham master’s tour – If I go, I’ll just wait ‘til I get home to use the bathroom.

In the meantime, congratulations to David Cook. It’s not often that the best man wins on American Idol. It’s only happened twice before and look how well Kelly and Carrie have done.

As for Daddy Archuletta…”So You Think You Can Dance” starts tonight. Is it too late to get a little pair of black tights for Davey?

Five, six, seven, eight, dance Little Davey, dance.